This post was written in collaboration with Marinell Croson and members of a support group on social media for parents of kids with misophonia, for Children’s Mental Health Week, 2021. It was updated in October 2023 in line with new research and understanding of misophonia.

For some kids, family meals and noisy classrooms can feel like absolute torture. Misophonia is phenomenon where small repetitive sounds like eating and breathing feel impossible to ignore and can cause an extreme emotional reaction. While the research on misophonia in young people is still very young itself, there are some ways that families can help their children with misophonia.

Children with misophonia are most commonly triggered by eating sounds, which can lead to outbursts during mealtimes. They can have difficulty focusing in the classroom, feel regularly overwhelmed, and their well-being and satisfaction with life tends to be lower than for children without misophonia. The problem can affect the whole family, with parents frequently using strategies to help their child avoid sounds and relieve distress.

While many of the noises that affect children with misophonia may seem benign to those without misophonia, those sounds can feel like torture to the person affected by this phenomenon. Children with misophonia are not too sensitive, they are not being overly dramatic or looking for attention. They are suffering and need some help. Misophonia can feel lonely, embarrassing and shameful.

How can I help my child with misophonia?

Here’s a list of ideas to help you talk to your child with misophonia, support their emotions and gently try out some problem solving together. These ideas won’t be practical or possible or work for every family. In particular, we acknowledge that all of this will likely be much harder for families with more kids, those with smaller homes, families where individuals have competing needs, and those with less time and energy available. It’s okay if you don’t have the resources to try things differently right now. You are doing a great job.

Be curious

Before you try to fix anything, ask questions to learn more about what they are experiencing, without challenging or judging them. Your curiosity will help them feel less alone and more understood. It teaches them that they do not need to protect you from their experiences. They might have some really scary thoughts and they need to know you can handle it. Create opportunities to talk about their misophonia away from trigger sounds.

Believe them

Instead of saying, "It's not that bad" or "You'll be fine", try, "That sounds really hard" or "I'm here for you". Warmth and physical comfort (if your child is okay with that) can help show your child that you believe their distress and you are there for them.

Label feelings

Being able to put words to their feelings can help make them less intense. Describe what you can see and ask if that's how they feel. Help them identify multiple and conflicting emotions "It sounds like you're feeling angry and sad. It must be hard to feel those at the same time." Help them learn that feelings are temporary by recapping once it’s over, "I'm sorry you were feeling so angry before. It looks like you are feeling calmer now."

Solve together

Ask for their ideas before you suggest anything yourself. Include silly and extreme ideas and treat every idea as worth exploring. Come up with possible pros & cons together and ways you can test out whether the pros & cons come true. Treat every solution as an experiment, not a permanent change. For example, you might have a theory that ear defenders during mealtimes will make your child feel more disconnected and not able to take part in conversation. This could be tested with an experiment and then you could weigh up the results. If the family can do something small that makes a big difference to the child, start with that. Talk through the possible experiments away from trigger sounds first.

Practise

Practise everything away from trigger sounds before trying out the experiment for real. For example, you might try putting the ear defenders on yourself and see if you can hear other people talking, then your child tries it out too, before trying it out at mealtimes. If you are trying out new responses to things, rehearse it first so that it feels familiar before trying it in a match situation. For example, your child might want to try leaving the table for a little break if they are starting to feel overwhelmed. They could practise this without food at the table first, and try doing it in different ways, imagining different possible scenarios. Or you might practise letting your child know when you’re planning to eat a crunchy food so that they can choose if they want to stay or not. Practice feels awkward, but it will help with being able to try it out for real, even if emotions are high.

Follow through

Stick to what you've agreed and acknowledge any efforts your child and family members make to try things differently. Review the experiment afterwards: Did it help? Were there any unintended consequences? Will it take more practice before it makes a difference? How long shall we give it? If it didn't go to plan, what can we learn from that? What shall we try next?

Get creative

Encourage your child to express themselves in creative ways, like through writing, music, art, drama and dance. Ask them if they want to talk about what they've created - they might not, and that's okay. If they do share it with you, this is not an invitation to critique what they've done. Be curious instead.

Speak for them

Agree in advance if/when they would like you to step in on their behalf. Come up with a secret signal they can give you and rehearse what you will do when you receive the signal. Decide together who you will tell about the misophonia, how much information you will share.

Ask for help

Talk together about where you might ask for help and work out a plan of action. Help might be available from school, GP, paediatric audiology, child and adolescent community mental health teams and specialist psychology services. Asking for help can feel like an uphill battle because misophonia is still relatively unknown phenomenon. Arm yourself with information and focus on the impact the misophonia has on learning, family life and mental health.

*** Click here for ideas on how to get treatment for misophonia on the NHS (UK) ***

For support, join the facebook group for parents of children with misophonia (https://www.facebook.com/groups/620276931320095/)